'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring... except for Santa, causing a festive commotion that could rival Michael Flatley and the entire River dance troupe. If you've ever found yourself tossing and turning as Santa clangs and stomps his way through your home, fear not! We've got the ultimate guide to ensure you stay sound asleep, even when Kris Kringle is making an absolute ruckus. The inconsiderate beardy weirdo…
1. earplugs: Santa's silent allies
The tried-and-true earplug is a sleep-deprived person's best friend during the holiday season. Just pop those little foam wonders into your ears, and suddenly, the clattering of reindeer hooves on the rooftop becomes as distant as the North Pole. You might even mistake it for a soothing ocean wave – the perfect backdrop for a silent night's sleep. Just make sure to invest in some decent ones, balling up some toilet paper just isn’t going to cut the mustard, unfortunately.
2. white noise machines: dreaming of a white (noise) Christmas
Investing in a quality white noise machine is like giving yourself the gift of tranquillity. Set it to a gentle hum or calming rain sounds, and let the soothing noise drown out Santa's merry escapades. You'll be so entranced by the ambient sounds that you'll barely notice the jingling of sleigh bells or the clinking of ornaments. He’s a notoriously noisy eater too, so do yourself a favour, and put out cookies that are on the chewy side as opposed to crunchy. I speak from experience.
3. heavy curtains: blocking out Santa's spotlight
Santa's sleigh may be equipped with twinkling lights, and a reindeer with a hooter that pumps out some serious lumens, but that doesn't mean you need a front-row seat to his light show. Heavy, light-blocking curtains are your secret weapon against the dazzling glow of Christmas magic. Pull those curtains tight, and you'll be cocooned in a sleep-friendly darkness, blissfully unaware of Santa's luminous presence. Keep scrolling if this hasn’t done the trick though…
4. snug eye masks: a festive blindfold
For those who prefer a more personal touch, a snug eye mask is a Christmas miracle worthy of making Tiny Tim pipe up... Again… The lad is a real chatterbox! Pick one with a holiday-themed design to add a touch of festive flair as you block out the blinking lights and glittering tinsel. You'll be in dreamland before Santa can finish his milk and (soft-bake) cookies.
5. melatonin mischief: outsmarting Santa's schedule
If you know Santa is due to make an appearance around midnight, consider some strategic melatonin usage (we suggest using the NORAD Santa Tracker, to trace his exact location). This natural sleep aid can help you drift off into dreamland faster, leaving you blissfully unaware of Santa's nocturnal activities. Just be sure to check with your doctor before adding any supplements to your bedtime routine though. Come on… Use the old noodle.
6. dreamy aromatherapy: Santa-approved scents
Transform your bedroom into a serene winter wonderland with the power of aromatherapy. Choose calming scents like lavender, chamomile, or peppermint to create an atmosphere that's so dreamy, even Santa's sleigh bells won't disturb your slumber. He’ll try though. Nothing pleases the guy more than testing people’s patience… He’s a bit of a nuisance to be perfectly honest. Anyway, you'll wake up feeling refreshed and ready to embrace the holiday festivities. Cute.
7. bed fortresses: pillow barricades against Santa's silliness
Build a pillow fortress to shield yourself from the sounds of Santa's gift-giving extravaganza, by stacking those pillows high and create a soundproof barricade around your bed. The soft, fluffy walls will muffle any noise, ensuring that Santa's surprises remain a mystery until morning. Plus, if you’re worried you’ll wake up and see him, ruining the surprise, and let’s face it, Christmas for you and your entire family, then it’s ideal! The walls of the barricade will obscure your view. Yay! It’ll also be super cosy, but mainly, you won’t spoil an entire holiday. Save yourself the guilt…
8. sleepytime snacks: sweets for sweet dreams
Munch on a sleep-inducing snack before bedtime to ensure you're in a deep slumber when Santa starts his rounds. Opt for treats like bananas, almonds, or a warm cup of herbal tea to signal to your body that it's time to wind down. Santa's midnight escapades will be nothing more than a distant dream.
9. reindeer lullabies: music to muffle the merry mayhem
Create a playlist of soothing tunes to drown out Santa's not-so-silent night. Classical music, ambient sounds, or even a gentle lullaby will provide the perfect backdrop for a peaceful sleep. Before you know it, you'll be dreaming of sugarplum fairies instead of wondering what Santa is up to in your living room, or the dirty protest the reindeer are having on your roof. Filthy beasts. Nothing ruins Christmas morning more than stepping in a dirty great pile of deer doo-doo. TRUST ME.
10. tactical sleeping positions: dodging Santa's sleigh skills
Strategically position yourself in bed to minimise the impact of Santa's acrobatic rooftop manoeuvres. Sleep on the side of the house opposite to the chimney, and you'll be less likely to feel the vibrations from Santa's grand entrance. It's like a tactical sleep mission to outsmart the man in the red suit. Although, if you ask me, the guy doesn’t scream MENSA… He wears bright red, uses jingle bells, and one of his pets has a floodlight on his schnoz. Subtle. So, so subtle.
sleeping on Christmas eve: our conclusion
Basically, with a combination of clever tactics akin to Chicago’s own Kevin McCallister, plus a dash of holiday magic, you can enjoy a magical night's sleep, even as the big man and his reindeer prance, dance, and frankly use your rooftop as a public toilet... So! Snuggle up, follow these tips, and dream of chestnuts roasting on your two bar fire, while he works his festive magic. May your dreams be merry, and your sleep be undisturbed! And PLEASE remember, a peaceful night's sleep is the best gift you can give yourself (and probably others) during the holiday season. Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night! Until next time, eve sleep.
P.S. As you embark on this quest for uninterrupted slumber amidst Santa's merry mayhem, consider reading through the lines in this article. Know what we mean? Just do the things… You’ll sleep OK.
