You’ve heard of sleep hygiene, right? It’s like regular hygiene, except instead of worrying about deodorant, you’re panicking because you’ve been awake for the past three nights, counting sheep so intensely that you’ve named them all. Several are named Cuthbert, naturally… Enter the 10-3-2-1-0 method, a system designed to help you wind down for the perfect night’s sleep. Apparently. It sounds like the launch sequence for a space shuttle, but, sadly, your bed is as far from the moon as you’ll ever get (unless you sleepwalk). This method claims to be your new bedtime routine guru, your sleep whisperer, your “hit snooze on life” plan. But like all great plans, it’s a bit ridiculous, and entirely over-complicated, making it perfect fodder for ridicule. That’s my cue!
So, without further ado, here’s how to follow this new “revolutionary” method... and how to royally mess it up. Of course.
10 hours before bedtime: no more caffeine
According to the sages of sleep science, 10 hours before bedtime you should give up your caffeine crutch. No more coffee, no tea, no energy drinks. Basically nothing that fuels your will to live after 2pm, OK? The idea is that caffeine stays in your system long enough to keep you awake, when you should be dreaming of winning the lottery, or single-handedly saving the world.
Let’s be honest: caffeine is life. It’s the thing that makes mornings morning-able, the thing that turns you from a disgruntled sloth, into a functioning-ish human being. The thought of giving it up 10 hours before bed, seems outrageous. You’ll have to adjust your entire day! No more 4pm cup of tea?! You’ll be the only British person in history to refuse a cuppa. Your pinky finger is going to go desperately un-exercised… Good lord. What have we done?
Without your caffeine fix, you’ll spend your 10-hour countdown slowly imbibing a glass of tap water as you sob into it, trying not to think about the delicious, soul-saving caffeinate drink you’ve been denied. Don’t expect to be productive during this stage; just expect a mild existential crisis, and catastrophic mood swings.
That said, as with anything new you add to your daily routine – you'll get used to it. Eventually.
3 hours before bedtime: no more food
Three hours before you’re meant to hit the hay, the rule is to stop eating. That midnight snack you love? Forget it. Your 10pm bowl of cereal? No chance. That leftover pizza? Sorry, it’s time to say goodbye. Apparently, if you eat too close to bedtime, your body will be too busy digesting, to focus on the all-important task of snoring the night away. Sad times.
Let’s be real, the “no eating before bed” rule is akin to torture. Three hours without food in the evening? Inconceivable. What if you have dinner at 7pm? That means nothing but tap water until morning! Tap water, the great sedative of our time… NOT! You can tell how far we’ve fallen as a society when plain old H2O becomes your evening’s highlight.
And what about those hunger pangs at 9:30pm? They’re guaranteed to appear just as you settle into bed. You’ll lie there listening to your stomach grumble, like some sad symphony played by your internal organs, except its more Starving-sky than Stravinksky, more Snack-maninoff than Rachmaninoff... (you’re welcome). You’ll resist the fridge’s sweet call, but only because you’re determined to follow this nonsensical method. Until 2am anyway, when you give up and inhale a packet of biscuits.
All jokes aside though, sleep experts everywhere are urging us to ensure we consume our evening meal 2-4 hours before bed (1). And this method has gone right down the middle of that recommendation, so it could be worth giving it a try!
2 hours before bedtime: no more work
Work? What work?! Admit it… You’ve been dreaming about quitting your job since the last Teams meeting. Right? But, oh no, they don’t mean quitting forever. The 10-3-2-1-0 method suggests you stop working two hours before bedtime. The idea is that winding down properly helps you sleep better. So, no emails, no spreadsheets, and definitely no stress-induced doom-scrolling through your inbox. This is one of the steps we could actually get behind.
In reality, a lot of us work until we collapse into bed, phone still in hand, face smashed against a laptop keyboard, with the sticky keys alert sound as our lullaby. Stopping work two hours before bed? What are you supposed to do with that time? Meditate? Read a book? Look after your children? Pfft… As if?!
Spoiler: instead of feeling relaxed, you could end up staring blankly at the ceiling, thinking about the ever-growing to-do list, your shrinking bank account, and the meaning of life. Or worse, you'll spend that two hours contemplating a career change, where you don't have to follow sleep hygiene rules for success. Perhaps you’ll consider becoming a shepherd, because, hey, at least you’d be able to count sheep for a living. Bunch of narcoleptics, the lot of ‘em.
Seriously though, 2 hours avoiding work before bed doesn’t really seem enough. If we’re trying to improve our work/life balance, then surely it would be better, and healthier to set more severe boundaries? Who are we to say though, we're just lowly shepherd wannabes…
1 hour before bedtime: no more screens
This one’s a real gem. One hour before bed, you’re supposed to turn off all your screens. Yes, your phone, your tablet, your laptop, and even your beloved TV. The reason? Well, the blue light from screens messes with your body’s production of melatonin, the hormone that helps you sleep.
No screens. For an hour. In today’s world. Sure… That’ll happen.
Look, an hour without screens might have been easy back in the days when people went to bed after a thrilling evening of knitting by candlelight, but we live in a time when binge-watching is a legitimate hobby, and your phone is basically an extension of your arm. What are you supposed to do for a whole hour before bed without Netflix, Instagram, or the riveting drama of online shopping?
You could read a book. You know, one of those old-fashioned paper things, remember? But let’s be honest, the second you open it, your brain will scream, “NO! GIVE ME TIKTOK!” Reading will be abandoned in favour of a desperate search for your phone, which is inconveniently located in another room, double padlocked in an industrial safe, as per the rules of this 10-3-2-1-0 madness. You’ll find yourself in a dark kitchen, desperately seeking the warm embrace of technology, by hugging the fridge, caressing it like Gollum, and whispering, “My precious.”
But on a serious note, sleep experts advise avoiding blue light for 2-3 hours before bed (2). So, at least with the 10 3 2 1 0 sleep rule you only have to down screens for 1 hour!
0: the moment you finally sleep like a baby (allegedly)
And here we are at zero. The magical point where you’re supposed to fall asleep effortlessly. After following the first four steps like a dutiful sleep disciple, or one of the sleepy shepherd’s sheep, you should now be ready to pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow. That's the promise, anyway. Let’s see!
But here's the kicker: instead of drifting off into a blissful slumber, you’ll probably lie there thinking about everything you've sacrificed. The coffee, the snacks, the work, the screens, and for what? To toss and turn all night? Oh, the irony.
Sleep, the elusive little imp, isn’t going to come just because you’ve followed some rigid countdown. If anything, the pressure to fall asleep RIGHT NOW will make it even harder. You’ll check the clock, realise you’re five minutes late to the “asleep party,” and spiral into a pit of overthinking. Was it the cheese you ate four hours ago? Did you actually need that 3pm coffee? What’s the point of this 10-3-2-1-0 method anyway? Why are you doing this to yourself?!
By 3am, you’ll be back on your phone, Googling “how to fall asleep when the 10-3-2-1-0 method fails,” and downing a glass of warm milk like you’re in an old-timey TV advert. Just don’t go too far back, otherwise you’ll find yourself chain smoking… Ads really hit different back in the day.
Or not. The 10 3 2 1 0 sleep rules may just improve your sleep! In which case, we’d recommend sticking with it!
conclusion: sleep like a mythical creature
The 10-3-2-1-0 method may work for some, but for most of us, it’s probably just another reason to feel inadequate about our nocturnal habits. In an ideal world, we’d all be asleep by 10pm, waking up refreshed and ready to face the day, getting dressed with the help of a happy flock of bluebirds... But in reality? You’ll probably break at least half of these rules before you even get close to bed, and that’s okay. Plus, using birds as servants, is probably considered to be cruelty to animals.
Anyway, let’s face it, modern life is too chaotic, too caffeinated, and far too reliant on screens for this “perfect” method to be practical. So, if you follow it, kudos to you. But if you don’t, remember: you’re not alone. You can always try again tomorrow, right after one last biscuit and a cheeky scroll through Instagram though…
Sweet dreams! Or, you know, good luck with that. Until next time, eve sleep.